Chapter 12 - Heavy Heart

My heart hurting I went home for the first time since Nuala's death. I had to see dad. Did he know about mum? I found him engaged in an epic game of tag with Meloire.

Seeing the innocence of the moment made me realise that my dad couldn't know what mum does. His heart is so pure, and he is so oblivious of everything but love that he would have never spotted it. I didn't. 

"Rosé," he said out of breath and brimming over with happiness. 

"Hi daddy," now that I was here I was almost shy, uncertain about what to do. 

"What's up muffin? You haven't been by in a long time."

"Not much. Um, is mum home?"

"No, she's in Twinbrook at a conference. She'll be back in a couple of days though. Were you looking for her?"

"No!," Perhaps I said that too quickly. "I mean I was just wondering who was home, that's all."

"Well, it's just me and Meloire today. Cheri's off with that Orange boy again. I think they are getting serious. Don't you just love young love." He sighed wistfully and I just knew he was going to start going on about mum and this time I just couldn't handle it. 

Fortunately Meloire broke in right then.

"Rosey!!!" Meloire was all excitement and innocence. Seeing her like that made me think of Peach and Pear. I am more determined that ever to make sure they keep that innocence for as long as possible. 

"Please say you'll stay for dinner Rosey." Meloire pleaded. "Daddy's cooking is awful."

"Sure I'll stay," I don't really feel like going home so why not. No need to tell her that though. "It would be my honour to cook for a little princess like you."

Meloire giggled then turned to dad. "Come on slow poke, you're it." And she was off again. 

It's nice to be here and share a meal with them again but it's not home any more. I know I need to go back, to face Blue. I just don't know what I am going to do. 

Meloire wanted me to stay the night but I knew I wasn't ready to face Nuala's and my old room. Too many memories. 

When I got home Blue was already asleep on the sofa.

I guess he figured I would really be up for sharing a bed tonight. When I woke up he was gone. Doing something on the case I guess. I was slowly getting ready for work when Devon called.

"Rosé, Devon here." As if I couldn't tell from the caller display. "Listen it's been discussed and agreed that you are too close to this thing. So why don't you take some time off. Clear your head, that kind of thing."

"My head is fine, sir." Perhaps not entirely true but I need something to do. 

"It isn't a request Rosé. It's an order. Stay out of it." With that he clicked off. Devon never was one for the soft touch.

All alone in the house with two toddlers and nothing to do. I'm going to go nuts. 

To distract myself I decided to call my auntie, of sorts, Saff. I know she's having a hard time right now since Sunny is acting out so I thought I would arrange a play date for Peach, Pear and Symphony. She suggested I get Rose Tea's little one Blush over too and maybe give Rose some time to get to grips with things. Before I knew it I had 4 toddlers running around the place and the house was a mess. It's worth it though. They are just the distraction I need.

Plum came home in the middle of all of this. He is just meant to be a father. In no time he had the house cleaned up and the girls all circled around him listening to story time. 

I on the other had collapsed. How are  toddlers harder work than running an assault course!

I said goodbye to Symphony and Blush with a heavy heart. Those little girls are going to melt some hearts one day and with them gone so was my distraction. 

Blue came home not to long later.

He looked like his favourite puppy just got run over. But I was still so mad at him that even that could melt my heart. He sensed my mood quickly.

"Hi Rosé." he was almost shy about it. 

"Blue."

"Can I, I mean can we, go for a drive some where. I want to talk but not here."

"If you want." What difference did it make? I'm going to be just as mad at him somewhere else as I am here. 

We drove to a small lake up in the hills. It was a quiet and peaceful spot but I was determined not to let that affect me this time. I sat on a bench and waited while he paced trying to work out what he was going to say.

"Ok, this is a nightmare of a situation and I don't even know where to start. Once you had passed your agent training I went to Devon and asked if I could bring you in on the op, or at the very least tell you about it. I hated keeping this from you."

"But you did Blue. All this time you have been telling me about meetings and mergers and it was all just lies. How many of those lunches that I dropped off with your secretary even made it too you? How many of those messages I left at you 'desk' did you get? You could have been anywhere doing anything and all you told me was about what 'Bob' said at lunch?" I was on a roll now. All the anger, all the hurt came boiling out of me.

And he just sat there. Not defending himself just listening. That's what caused me to stop. Yelling at someone who isn't yelling back somehow isn't as satisfying. 

"You're right on all counts." He said sadly. "Rosé I love you. I did what I thought was the right thing in not breaching the confidentiality of the agency but now I am not so sure. I've been pulled from the op too. Devon thinks I'm too close, and he's right."

"Hmmpf." Ok so that makes me feel a little better.

"I never want to lie to you again Rosé."

"Maybe but how can I know that. You are trained to lie, it's your job, and you are apparently very good at it."

"I will just have to earn your trust that's all. Rosé remember what I've told you about marriage." 

"That it should be open and honest. That there was no room for lies and secrets."

"Exactly. That is why I haven't asked you to marry me. You must have wondered."

"No not really." Well maybe just a little bit.

"No? Well nevermind. I kept waiting for all this to be over so I could tell you the truth. But now that you know there is nothing to stand in my way."

No not now. I'm not ready!

"I'm not very good with romantic words and flowery poems. All I can say is that I love you. I will always love you. Will you marry me?"

"I….."

To be continued….