City Lights - Chapter 12 - Love Lost

No matter how much he denied it Bondi's career was soaring. Radio stations across the country were blaring his song out practically nonstop and clubs were jostling to try and book him months in advance. Phrases like 'year long tour' were being thrown about, but not too loudly. The idea of him being gone for a year was something I wasn't ready to face. As it was it seemed he was hardly home anymore. Oddly this didn't bother me as much as people seemed to think it should. It was like we were dating again, both of us desperate to spend every second together.

I wasn't the only one to want all of Bondi though so I had to share, at least while the kids were awake.

Some nights we would steal away from the house and stay up all night chatting and laughing giggling like teenagers as we got back to the house as the sun rose.

When Bondi wasn't there I had plenty to keep me busy.

I didn't have time to be lonely. Until now that is. A few days before Bondi left for China his parents had left on a trip of their own, to Egypt. They said they had unfinished business there and the look that passed between them in that moment made me hope for one eighth as much passion with Bondi when we got to that age. So I was left to look after the kids on my own. It was the first time Bondi and I had been apart for even a night since our engagement and it brought back memories of sadness and loneliness from when I had been a way from him in England. I didn't like being alone.

Well not completely alone.

"Patina my dear how are you?" There was something in his tone that I couldn't quite place. It was almost like he was consoling me for a great loss.

"I'm fine," I returned trying hard not to think about what lay beyond his words. His hand lingered on my arm, not too long to be considered inappropriate but to long to be just a friendly gesture.

"I brought you a little something to lift your spirits."

"Wayne you really shouldn't have!"

Over the past year I had come to realise that what I once took for an attempt at flattery to win my favour wasn't quite as innocent as it seemed. Wayne had developed quite a crush on me but he was to much a gentleman to try do anything about it. I did my best to discourage him but today it was very hard to turn down chocolates.

"I could never have lived with myself if I had known you had no gifts on Valentines day." There he said it. I had been waiting all morning to be 'surprised' by flowers, or get a phone call from Bondi but so far nothing.

We settled down enjoying the weak late winter sun. As I picked at the chocolates I noticed that Wayne seemed uncomfortable. "What is it Wayne? What's on your mind?"

"Well remember the year long tour we talked about?"

"Yes," I was instantly on guard. He was well aware of how I felt about the idea of being without Bondi for so long.

"Well it's been booked. It will kick off in next month starting in Bridgeport."

"Wayne!" I exclaimed anger rolling from me. "How could you such a thing without taking to me or to Bondi? I know you are eager to promote his music but this in unacceptable." I was astounded that he would even consider it let alone just do it.

Clearing his throat he reached into his jacket pocket. Nervously he fingered a folder not meeting my gaze. "Yes, well, under the circumstances I thought it might be wise."

My eyes narrowed "Circumstances?" I wasn't sure where he was going with this but I had a feeling I wasn't going to like it.

Slowly, as if it might explode, he lay the envelope on the table and moved behind me. I leaned forward and gasp and the pictures spilled out of it.

Scenes of Bondi on the beach, his arms around Azalea covered the table each breaking my heart into smaller and smaller pieces. The final picture of them from behind her lips on his face was more than I could take.

Not wanting to be seen by the kids I tried to hold in the tears as I raced through the house. The second the bedroom door was closed I lost it. Collapsing on the bed my body was wracked with sobs I could not longer control. Consumed as I was by my emotions I didn't hear him come in.

"I'm sorry,"his voice and hand was soft as he perched on the bed beside me and began to stroke my hair.

"How long? How long have you known?" My throat was thick and it was nearly impossible to squeeze the words out.

"The pictures were taken the night Lola was born."

I screamed in pain as each revelation of betrayal swept through me. Why Bondi? How could you do this to me? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

The soothing sound of Wayne shushing me made me realise my screams were no longer silent. Choking back the words and the tears I shuttered pulling myself tighter into a ball.

"Oh Patina. My love. I hated to be the one to tell you but I couldn't sit by while he did this to such a beautiful flower." His arms wrapped around me and his lips began to caress my hair. I knew I should stop him, say something but the pain in my chest made it impossible to do anything. I lay there unable to move as he whispered softly onto my ear.

"I love you Patina. You must know that. From the moment I saw you I loved you and I would never do anything to hurt you. Let that lying cheat go away on this tour and I will be here to protect you."

At the mention of Bondi the pain surged again. I struggled to pull myself tighter into a ball as Wayne held me closer to him. I don't know how long we stayed like but every second felt like an eternity of agony. It was the ringing of the phone that brought me back. My first instinct was that it was Bondi and my still raw heart nearly made me falter as I stumbled to answer it.

Refusing to give into fear and with a trembling hand I picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

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She slid off the bed her body a sinuous wave that memorized me in it's movements. I knew I should move, turn away, but my feet seemed stuck to the floor by some force beyond my control. Silently she padded over to me and as she reached me her hand came up, ever so slowly, to brush the hair from my eyes.

"Bondi," she breathed both a question and a exclamation of excitement.

My hands moved of their own accord and I didn't know if they intended to push her away or grab her and pull her close. As they touched to smooth skin of her exposed waist I gasped and my hand involuntarily tightened it's grip.

A purr of pleasure came from Azalea and she stepped closer lips brushing my neck. With my free hand I reached into my pocket and retrieved the true cause of my gasp.

Attempting to compose myself I answered the vibrating phone. "Hello?" Even I could hear the strain in my voice.

"Bondi? I know it's late there, I hope I'm not... disturbing you."

"Not at all! I'm so glad you called." Tense beyond belief I couldn't make the words sounds convincing. Sensing that I intended to take the call Azalea slid her hand up my chest giving my cheek a stroke before  sauntering away. Turning slightly so I could focus on the conversation I put all my effort into sounding normal. "How are things at home?"

The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening and I thought for a moment we had been cut off. Finally and with a voice so hollow, so empty of emotion it chilled me, she answered. "I know you are having...fun out there but you need to come home." She paused once more as if trying to find the words and I stood confused having caught the odd pause before the word fun.

"It's your parents Bondi, there's been an accident." As she told me the little details she knew I stood, rigid with shock, staring at nothing. She finished quicker than I would have thought possible and it took me a moment to find myself.

"I'll be there as soon as I can." As I lowered the phone, still numb, Azalea turned back to me smiling a half smile full of promises and seduction and made her way back to my side.

"Now where were we?" she whispered into my ear. The feel of her breath on my face made me stiffen and I had to work to pull away as she tried to fit herself closer to me.

"My parents, they, they're," unable to finish I stepped firmly away. "I have to go." With that I ran from the room leaving my biggest mistake behind me.

Of course there wasn't a flight out until the next day. I wasn't brave enough to go back to the hotel and face Azalea so I wandered aimlessly to numb to take in any of the breathtaking scenes around me.

A feather light touch slid down my arm.

I looked up to brush the petals of the cherry tree off and was greeted by the last face in the world I would have expected to see.

"Lin?!?" I jumped to my feet amazed I no longer was thrilled by her touch. "What are YOU doing here?"

"I'm here with Pine on a photo shoot. Images from the Orient." She smiled and waved her hand around at the buildings all around us. "Never thought I'd run into you here!"

There was so much to catch up on with Lin but in that moment my head was full, full of my parents, full of Patina and very full of Azalea. "So," she said drawing my attention to the fact that I had yet to respond to her. "I hear your album's doing well. Are you here for that?"

I nodded dumbly. "Uh, yeah touring." I could barely focus. I was here, away from my home and my family with a girl half my age waiting for me in a hotel. And there, a house empty of my two loving parents and possibly empty of my own love as well waited for me too.

"And Patina? Is she here with you? I'd kind of like to meet to woman who has your heart."

At the mention of Patina's name I flinched. "Bondi?" her voice was low and concerned. "What is it? I may not know you as well as I once did but something is bothering you."

How is it that every woman in my life knows so much more about me than I know about myself. I sighed, "Well it's Patina and..." I trailed off not sure where to start but her kind eyes and encouraging words drew the story out of me.

I told her about my parents.

About Patina and Mr. Bumble.

And finally about Azalea.

She was quite for a time when I finished lost somewhere deep within herself. Hesitantly she asked, "Do you love her? This Azalea?"

"No!" There was no hesitation in my response. "I didn't mean for it to even get as far as it did. I was hurt and alone and there she was and..."

"And you're human. It is no use beating yourself up about the things that could have happened." Her face screwed up as if struggling with that last thought.

"What about Patina? Do you still love her?"

Tears stung behind my eyes and I fought them off determined not to let her see me cry. "I never stopped."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Sometimes in love, as with life, we can loose our way. Sometimes things happen that we never intended. It doesn't mean we love any less than we did before. I doesn't mean we are bad people. If you love her Bondi you must go to her. You must fight for her."

Her eyes met mine as she turned me towards her and they were so full of intensity as they pleaded for me to listen to her. I wanted to believe her, to hear what she had to say but I resisted. "It's me that's done this. If I hadn't been running around with my music none of this would have happened. I've done too much damage and I can't let it go on."

"Maybe, maybe not. We can't know. Bondi, everyone who meets you can see that music is a part of you. Music didn't do this and neither did you. It was life, but you don't have to let life win. You don't have to choose between them. You can have both, love and music. You just have to find a way." She grasp my hands firmly in hers. "Find a way Bondi. Please."

Love poured out of her. Not love for me but love of love. I didn't know if I had the courage of her convictions but something in her expression made me want to try. Gripping her shoulders I managed a smile. "I'll try."

"Thank you. For everything." I turned and walked away, not knowing if I would ever see Lin again, to go back home, back to my wife. I was going to make sure she knew how I felt, but would that be enough?