City Lights - Chapter 4 - Sing My Heart

I tried to turn away. I didn't want to see the betrayal happening a mere few feet away from me. But like a witness to a horrific accident I couldn't take my eyes off it. I just stood gaping at the couple locked in an embrace so tight they couldn't notice anything beyond their own pleasure. How could Clay do this to Patina? She was so sweet and lovely and....she was just inside.

The thought of her seeing this was the jolt I needed to drag me away from the 'accident'. I didn't know how long I'd been out here and that worried me. If she started to wonder what happened to me she might come looking and this was the last place I wanted her to find me. Turning back for one last look to make sure they hadn't move I took a deep breath and prepared to go inside to face her.

"There you are."

Nerves already wound tighter than a spring I jumped so hard that I nearly cracked my head against the wall. "Sugar! Patina you scared me."

She giggled, that sweet little laugh of hers ringing around the alley. "Sorry. You must be pretty nervous about going on then."

Worried that she would hear what was going on behind me I looked around nervously. "Um yeah, nervous about going on. Right, when is that again?" A tremor had crept into my voice and I was sure she could hear it. I couldn't help it, I had never been in a more uncomfortable situation in my life.

"Silly, that's why I came out to find you. You're almost on." She put her hand on my arm drawing me towards the club. Since it got us away from the alley of unfaithfulness I let her lead me away. The entire time I was glancing behind us and feeling as if I was the one who had done something wrong.

The crowd had trebled in size since I had gone outside and Patina had to push her way through to get to the stage and my guitar. My head was buzzing with what I has seen and scattered thoughts of what to do with it distracted me enough so that I didn't really register that all those people would soon be watching me. We had barely made it to the relative safety of our normal corner booth when I heard Patina gasp. Thinking she has seen Clay and his 'friend' I jerked my head up looking around.

"Oh no Bondi you're up next." She was nervously playing with her hands and biting her bottom lip. "I'm so sorry I should have come found you sooner."

The words were barely out of her mouth when I heard them announcing me.

"Put your hands together ladies and gentlemen for a first timer here at open mic night. Here he is, Bondi Kei Parfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait."

I could feel my guitar being placed in my hands and a gentle shove in my back propelling me to the stage. The lights hit me full on as I climbed the one small step nearly blinding me. The crowd was quiet, the expectant hush that greets any new act to the stage while they figure out if they are going to listen to the music or start their conversations back up again. I knew I was supposed to say something, to introduce the song, but a shy smile and nod were about all I could manage. Slowly but with increasing confidence my fingers began to pluck out the cords that had come to me all those months ago, on the night that I first met Patina.

Please don’t leave me

is all I know

She won’t believe me

and so she goes

Off to the seaside

that’s when I see

What kept her with me

was only revelry

I could feel her eyes on me but I didn't have the courage to meet her gaze. 

And there’s a light down in the harbour

there’s a chance down by the bay

All I want is a new horizon

all I want is for you to clear the way

May the waves be calm but heavy

may the waves be wild but clear

May you feel like a soaring seagull

may you feel like you belong right here

The memories of all the moments I had spent with Patina over the last few months began to wash over me as I played. 

I can’t have you be my haven, so can I have you be my wake?

I like being in your water

I like swimming in your lake

The music swelled within me in time with my beating heart. I couldn't not look at her now, my love for her and the pain I felt from what I just had seen pouring out of me in equal measure.

Oh, there’s a light down in the harbour

there’s a chance down by the bay

Baby, come on, quit your playing

baby, come on and pave the way

Please come on and pave the way

won’t you come on and pave the way

As the last notes faded away the silence of the room hit me. I stood there breathing hard and looking straight at her beautiful face.

She sat bathed in light and it was as if there was no one else in the room. Then the sound returned and hit me like a wave of thunder. It took a moment to register what I was hearing. It was applause and it was loud. Exhausted and in a state of semi-shock I smiled and gave a small wave before making my way back to Patina.

Now I noticed the crowd. Before they had been drown out by my own thoughts but like a wave the sound crashed into me and I wasn't prepared.

Patina  greeted me win a smile and a hug. "Bondi you were amazing."  I nodded back. I was overwhelmed. The emotions of the day were flooding my senses threatening to drown me in the process. I knew I should stay and watch the other acts but I could barely face it. I started to sit down when she wrapped my arm around hers and started pulling me to the door.

 "Let's get out of here," she said smiling back at me as she lead me through the crowd.

It was still early by city standards and people were shouting, laughing and doing their best to get into the hottest clubs in town. I walked by her side, not much company but not wanting to let her walk home alone. This secret was too big to keep to myself but too painful to tell. I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that it came as a bit of a surprise to find myself standing with her at her front door.

"Hey," she said her voice bright and cheerful. "What's up? You seem a bit sad?"

"Just a lot on my mind," I muttered. I didn't want to get into it just now.

"Hmmmm. Well I know just the thing to cheer you up." Unlocking the door she turned to me. "Come on."

Without a word she started up the stairs. I followed more out of habit than anything else. I doubted there was much on this earth that could bring me out of the thoughts that were spiraling around in my mind. She lead me to a place in the house I had never been before, her room.

A bit on the confused side I watched as with barely a glance she switched on a small light at the bedside and popped one of my favourite movies, Berry and the Beast, into the small TV in the corner.

A huge smile on her face she plopped down on the bed. "Come on, have a seat."

Not sure what else to do I sat down with her and, for a time, lost myself in the movie as Berry sang her way to her Beast. When the more romantic moments of the movie started to play out I couldn't help but look at her, again and again and again.

She must have noticed my frequent and not so subtle glances I would sometimes turn to find her looking back at me and smiling. My head was swimming. I had to tell her about what I saw but I didn't want to hurt her and it was more than that. Every moment that passed I became more and more convinced that I had to tell her how I felt about her. I had to tell her that I loved her with all my heart and soul. But fear stopped my tongue and every time I saw her smiling back at me my heart caught in my throat and the words were trapped behind them.

All too soon the movie was over. It was late now and didn't have any excuse to stay so I made my way to the door As I opened it an prepared to step into the night I felt her hand on my waist and she turned me towards her.

"What ever it is that is bothering you I am here for you. You can always tell me anything."

Her voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, and I had to lean closer to her to hear. I couldn't meet her eyes as I mumbled out a response. "I don't want to ruin our friendship."

She pulled me close to her then, hugging me tighter and longer than ever before. Whispering in truth this time her voice inches from my ear she said, "You can't. Not ever."

She was so close I could smell her. Not some perfume she wore but her and it was heaven. We pulled apart just slightly and I could feel her warm breath on my cheek, feel her heart beating in her chest in time with mine. Her eyes were big and full of emotion and I couldn't look away.

Without thought and almost as one we moved. Our lips touched, ever so softly, and we melted into each other.

In that moment the world could have ended and I wouldn't have noticed or cared.

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Author's note: The song that Bondi sings in this chapter was specially written for him by the fabulous Kittycattylion. There is seriously no end to that girl's talents and I am incredibly grateful.